It’s weird isn’t it? It seems that nearly everything we buy these days comes from China - some might say that it’s China’s incredible ‘export machine’ that is the main factor of the current fuel crisis, who knows?

One thing I do know however is that China’s human rights record, past and present, gets an easy ride in the corridors of power these days.

In spite of all the Olympic Games PR bullshit that we’ll shortly be subjected to this is a country run by a cabal of aged and unpleasant buggers, not too disimilar from that s.o.b ( whose portraits and statues are still on show in public areas of China) Mao Zedong - right up there with Stalin, Hitler and Pol Pot etc. as being in the Top Ten Evil Toe Rags Of All Time.

With a population of an estimated 1.5 billion China is a dominant force in the world and no mistake. So, despite its shameful treatment of the Tibetan people China is where it’s at these days business-wise.

So learn the lingo - it might come in handy today ( for business purposes) or tomorrow when China decides that it needs to expand into the countries it exports to - maybe become an informer or some such.

I love chinese culture and the chinese people, it’s just those anonymous pensioners that are keeping them under the yoke that drive me nuts. The same pensioners that allowed the massacre of Tianamen square - anyone remember that one? Sure there’s a new affluent class ( the only ones we see when we visit) but out in the country people are living in goddam holes in the ground!!! Not that any of us watching the Olympics will see them.

Don’t get me started! But apart from the faceless bunch running the show I LIKE chinese…..

Our request was for an Italian course and they’ve added Rocket Italian to their portfolio of easy language learning online courses. Just the job. The Italian Job!

Why not take it for a test run? As with their other language programs the new Italian course includes a free mini course of 6 days. Each day an e-mail arrives in your Inbox with a link to the day’s lesson.

On alternate days the lesson includes an audio track (there are over 30 in the full course averaging 25 to 30 minutes in length).

You can listen the audio introduction from day #1 below…

This introduction to learning Italian online is fun and easy to understand as are the more advanced lessons to come…

Every audio lesson in Rocket Italian comes with a complete transcript of the lesson and a discussion of the vocabulary used. You can listen to the lesson without the transcript or with as you choose. I suggest without at first so you can just focus on the sound of the Italian language. Later you can read along and practice your pronunciation and accent.To see the transcript for this lesson sign up for the 6 day free Italian Course here. Now that’s a steal!

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Here’s the scenario. It’s your first visit to La Belle France. Your hire car seems fine and, now you’re off the motorway, you’re starting to relax. What an adventure to be happily driving down twisty French country lanes on the way to that quaint Chateau you found on the internet (the one that offered Bed & Breakfast and horse riding thrown in).

Things are looking good - recent road signs tell you that you are nearly there, what could go wrong now?

Suddenly a battered Citroen comes hurtling around the corner heading straight for you, he’s all over the road and it’s all you can do to avoid him. That’s bad enough but he’s flashing his lights at you, peeping his horn, gesticulating out of his window and screaming at you, “Cochon!” he shouts at the top of his voice.

“How frightfully rude these Frenchies are!”, you remark to your traveling companion as you turn the corner. “Don’t they remember that we saved their arses back in 1944 and what about….”

Your sensible comments stop there because you have just hit the pig in the road he was trying to warn you about.

Moments like this make an Englishman think twice about his built-in antipathy to the French.

However it is very hard to go against centuries of tradition. Which brings me to the point of this missive: how best to use a hand gesture to insult a Frenchman, particularly when driving, yet one which will leave the Frenchie uncertain as to whether he has been insulted or not. This would have been particularly useful in the misunderstanding above.

Why is it that the whole world world seems to use the ubiquitous ‘one finger salute’ that, as I recall, appeared in England in the early 80’s as more and more U.S. culture drifted across the Atlantic.

Suddenly it seemed that everyone was giving someone else the ‘finger’ Personally I never got the hang of it. Why? because I already had a perfectly serviceable hand gesture that had served me in good stead for many a year and, now that I’d moved to France was particularly apt. I’m talking, of course, of the V sign.

When offered palm forward we have the classic ‘peace’ sign of the 60’s but reversed we have the Churchillian V for Victory and “Up yours Froggie!” sign that sadly seems no longer to be used by the younger generation. Why is this such a big deal you ask? Because that sign is hundreds of years old and was forged on the battlefields of France - think Crecy, Poitiers and Agincourt, think Henry the fifth exhorting his troops to battle on against overwhelming odds ( and triumphing too): “We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.”

You see the thing is that a French knight on horseback was the Sherman tank of his day, virtually unstoppable. Unstoppable that is until the arrival on the field of battle of the English and Welsh bowmen with their longbows. Their arrows, fired with incredible force, were the armour piercing shells of the same day and they wreaked havoc with the French lords on their battle chargers. ‘Hell from above’ indeed.

Now those Frenchies did not like those archers at all and when they captured one they made sure that he would never fire an arrow again by chopping off the two relevant fingers on his right hand!

So waving those two intact fingers is an historical way of mocking the French! Try it next time you’re in France - it is extremely satisfying when ordering two coffees in a cafe and you are safe in the knowledge that most Frenchmen will not have the faintest idea of the significance of your ‘flipping the V’.

On the other hand you could sign up for the free 6 day French course from Rocket Languages or to the Introductory ASL (American Sign Language) video course which is free as well for LONG term satisfaction…..

No that isn’t ASL! If you enjoyed it though here’s what happened a few months later……

If I had communicated with this angry bull in his own language would he have chosen not to break nearly every bone in my body? I like to think so.

If I had only known then what I know now which is that Rocket Languages have a great course that lets anyone learn Spanish online.

In fact they offer a free 6 day mini-course so you can try it out. The lessons include lots of audio (check out part of Lesson #1 below) so you can really practise with prononciation and accent as you proceed. Quizes and games make the learning process fun and you’ll be amazed at how quickly you’ll start speaking Spanish with confidence.

The audio above is for basic greetings and as the course proceeds the recordings naturally are more advanced. On day two of the free Spanish course you will receive a text lesson explaining the grammar and vocabulary behind this first audio recording.

By learning to take part in the conversation yourself you will respond aloud to real, spoken Spanish. To have a full undersatnding of another language you must speak it out loud, text alone just won’t do the trick. Vocabulary and grammar are great but not without the audio that puts each lesson into perspective.

Go and sign up for the free 6 day Spanish course here and give it a test run.

Are you going to be thrown out of the ring at the first attempt or are you going to spring, antelope-like, and give that Japanese language something to think about?

Hmm, looks like you might need some help shorty! It can be quite scary confronting such a massive opponent and certainly Japanese is a complex language with more than one set of rules, writing and even vocabulary

But conversational Japanese can be learned quickly once all the ‘extras’ are taken out of the equation. You can step up and show that you mean business.

I ain’t talking about joining a Sumo wrestling school! Throwing salt to the 4 corners of the compass and wrestling a big fat bloke out of a small circular piece of real estate. I’m talking about learning conversational japanese via an online audio course.

Participating in realistic Japanese conversations is clearly the best way to learn Japanese, and Rocket Japanese has succeeded in bringing you the next best thing to being in a room with two Japanese speakers…

Offering you a way to learn Japanese that is not only comfortable, but also convenient… that’s right, with all of the audio materials available in MP3 format, Rocket Languages has truly opened up the door on portable learning!!

Check out this sample from the Introduction of the Interactive Japanese Audio Course from Kenny and Sayaka:

Then why not sign up for the free 6 day Japanese course here and have the mini-course audios delivered to your Inbox? What better way to avoid future conflict…

So what are the chances of her speaking English? Pretty good in Germany actually but don’t let that put you off learning German yourself. With the online German course from Rocket languages there’s now no excuse not to speak German and ask for a beer, and her phone number, in well accented German.

Just think, if more of us had been able to speakGerman in the last century who knows what tragedies might have been avoided. I speak of the unexplained popularity of Black Forest Gateau in the early seventies as an example.

The fact is that people find it harder to dislike (or shoot at!) someone who has taken the trouble to learn their language - we simply have to let go of our old prejudices…



Try it out for yourself, sign up for the free 6 day German course here and get the mini-course delivered directly to your computer’s Inbox. The 6 lessons will include 3 audio recordings so you can hear and repeat words and phrases and so improve your prononciation and accent. Once you’ve done that get over to Germany to practise and I guarantee you won’t be shot at! Just don’t mention the war!

Here’s the Intoduction to Day #1:

On Day #2 of the mini-course you will receive the text transcript of the audio with explanation and discussion on the grammar and vocabulary that was used.

Give it a try, there’s no commitment - in fact, refreshingly, no financial details are taken ( nor are your ‘papers’ - Personalausweis! demanded in an overly aggressive manner). Shows a healthy confidence in the product don’t you think?

But was it truly ‘invented’ in France? If invented at all? I’d have thought ‘discovered’ was more up to the mark.The thing is that whatever the origins of the French kiss there’s no denying that French is the language of love (although an Italian might beg to differ).

So if learning a new tongue rather than touching tongues with another is what rings your bell then I suggest you learn French online with the best selling Rocket Languages course. Featuring a plethora of audio lessons combined with games, quizes and the essential text for grammar and vocabulary - this is simply the easiest way to learn to speak French or improve your current level of expertise.

Why not sign up for the free 6 day French course? Receive daily lessons, audio and text in your Inbox every day for 6 days and see if you like it? Here’s a sample recording from Day #1:

Being the first of many recordings you might feel it’s a bit too easy. Never fear, the recordings become more and more advanced as you progress. Be sure to take part i.e. repeating the phrases and words to improve your pronociation and accent. The lesson for Day #2 will include text on all the grammar and vocabulary used in this first audio.

That’s how this best-selling French course works, alternating between audio and text, games and quizes to keep you interested and motivated. Learning French online, or off, has never been easier. Imagine how our differences with the French over the centuries might have been better resolved had we but learned to speak French. Just think of how you would have coped in the friendly social interaction (below) if you had no understanding of the french language….